The following is a blog post that I wrote for For The Girls International, Inc. (a Christian women's business networking group in Tampa Bay) during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic.

  I’ve been spending more and more time in prayer these days. My morning ritual is to get up early, turn on my essential oil diffuser, grab a cup of coffee, and open my journal to write. I focus on 10 things that I am grateful for, the dreams I want to come true in my life, and who I am in Christ.  The process grounds me, and boosts my mood.  Most of the time, I get my writing done early and then get on with my day.  

 However; I’ve noticed that during these past few weeks in quarantine I’m spending longer & longer amounts of time in prayer each day.   There is work to be done, and a life still to live, but I just don’t want to leave that quiet place with God.  So I keep going….… I keep writing.…. I keep looking up scripture……  I stay and stay and stay.

  My rational mind tells me that God is growing my roots and preparing me.  But, when I ask my heart, it shows me that I am afraid, even though I’m trying not to be.  

Maybe you are like me. Maybe you’ve seen miracles happen and your faith is strong, but there’s still an annoying voice taunting you:

 What if this is the new normal?

What if we lose everything?

What if our loved ones die?

What if we don’t survive?

 I am reminded of a passage in the book Goliath Must Fall that was extremely helpful to me after my brain aneurysm rupture.  Author Louie Giglio explained God’s plans for the thorn in Paul’s flesh in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 like this:

 When God allowed the thorn in Paul’s flesh, God wasn’t trying to hurt Paul. God wanted to make Paul stronger. God was trying to help Paul understand that the power supply available to him was actually much greater than he thought. 

 Paul prayed for God to remove it. But Jesus said to Paul , “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  

 All this time, I’ve been focussing on being courageous, but since I allowed myself to feel my fear; I feel a lot better, and I have been much more productive. 

 I want to encourage you to pray your real, honest feelings and allow God to use them for His glory.  He waits to be gracious to you.